日志
Urban love story （Wuzhoutong）
《一》
When working out the subway, the calling is coming again, the strange No.is twinkling on the screen, Bing hesitated, but answered:“hello” “hello, Bing”a man, his voice is very magnetic but strange. “May I ask …….” “Pls don’t ask me how I get your phone No， ok? Also excuse my sudden calling, I just want to hear your voice, now I got, thank you, bye” “hello … hi”there was nothing but only pulsing tone . Bing Hang up the phone, feel so funny. In a lonely night, lonely man called me, but he seemed to get my name correct!!!this strange voice is full of my head, how magnetic, that’s not just called the wrong No. ……. It’s the end of subway line.
Oh,no, I missed my stop. God, damned voice! In the lonely night, only myself, hope someone company with me, but love is not so easy to come, so I never thought about it when together with friends. I just want to play till tired, and deep sleep on the bed. Maybe I used to a person’s life, that’s my excuse. Some times I wish……….I meet him in my dream, with strange and magnetic voice……I have parents love, while that carefree life made me feel fear of the lonliness. What that man looks like? Tall? Handsome? No mood to work well, full of him in my head, he is very handsome in my dream…..smile secretly…..”Bing, what are you doing? Absent of mind.”My colleague is calling me, I drank a coffee, and made a funny faces, thinking somebody still……strange air in the office, them know the reasons. Everyday I go home alone, like to watch TV at home, or with friends to play till night……….i’m still waiting that damned calling these days, while no coming. Am I attracted by that strange man ?a man never seen, only for his voice?
《二》
Sitting on the subway,looking the rain out of the window, with sadness. Sometime the people is very strange, Beside me, there are many people care me, love me, also many guys pursued me, while I only attracted by a strange one, that feeling is really very strange and strong.
It’s raining harder and harder, closing time, so many peoples here, I’m going to calling me Dad, “Miss, where are you going? I can drive you” a BMW750 stopped in front of me, the man with a glasses but no smiles on his face. Not a bad man I can say……he seems thinking something, but no expressions, I can saw here faces from the front mirror. “ it’s here, I’m arriving, thank you! Actually it’s only 10mnts from subway to my home, just the rain is so hard….
The dinner is very rich, but I don’t want to eat anything. I don’t know why since I feel hungry when I was not work off. “Dad, Mom, you two go ahead, I feel a little dizzy, I want to have a rest ”……….open the computer, hiding QQ habitually….there are only few friends on MSN, and few goods friends there, but I don’t want to touch the keyboard.
If you are feel lonely and helpless the same as me, pls add me…..a message coming, I don’t know why I add him, a strange man.
Both of us keep silence, I’m sitting there and staring at the ceiling, and waiting for the calling. One week past, no calling from him, but I have his No., still wait or call back……...
In the coffee house, I sit together with him and chatting, romantic red candle, sweet music……the light of this house is dim, can’s see his face clearly, but it’s true……dingding……the phone is ringing. It’s only a dream……...
Wake up from the dream, in the dark room, all seems still in the dream, empty heart makes me loneliness. Everytime wake up from dream, there is only myself, sometimes, hope someone company with me, listen to my dream stories…….
Open the door, walk into a confused world, thinking the past days is only myself, just like a dream, very happy,also hopeless, what’s the matter? I ask myself to the sky.
I’m a girl like dreams, maybe that why I slept in the midnight….. …
I always feel scare, empty, hurry or dead end situations, sometimes feel dropped into the sea from cliff, many times, and wake up before dropped…
A Psychologist told me the sea means emotional world, if together with scare, maybe means it attract you, but make you afraid. Fear could not go to the end, and fear no way back.
Boring on the net, this strange man did not send messages to me, also I didn’t, I never talk with strangers. Sometime I guess, both of them are the same one, because I only add the people who I know, is he……
Do you have time tonight?
Yes, I have, (damn it, I already agreed MingMing to KARA OK tonight, I’m going to be scold by them)
I will wait for you at 8:00pm in UBC coffee
I have to go now, see you tonight.
He was offline before I come back to reality
What’s the matter with me?
Why catch him.
Is he the man of calling one?
Or the glass man who drive me back
Or they are the different ones?
Or they are the same one totally?
It’s eight past five now, go or not?
Mom and Dad are watching TV now, very happy.
“Mom, I’m going out to have a coffee with friends”
“Come back soon”always the same words…..
I hesitated a while on the door, then open the door, seeing the harmonious light, light music,and the candle light on the table…..
Ah….the glass man is there, drinking coffee,with a laptop
I sit in a corner, not far from him
The coffee house boss know me, say hi to me “are you alone”
I get a one cup of coffee,
He must be very busy, fouce on his computer and didn’t notice me.
He glanced at his watch, and look at the outside door
“hello, is that Bing ?”
Get the phone, I’m shocked, they are the same one……
Same music, same coffee, with same candle, the same as my dream
We talked more, it seems that the time is not important to me.
The sense of familiar, while a little strange to him, a kind a sadness comes out from his eyes
His eye told me he is a man with stories，
Also told me, I will fell in love with him.
Will I love a man who a don’t know well?
It was late, but I’m not sleepy, missing him.
Missing that confused eyes, gradually into the sweet dreams…….
On the grassland, the sun is shining brightly, the air is quite fresh.
He take my hands, flying the kite, chasing….
never had that happiness, I feel so happy now.
also I hope the smiles are on his face forever
I feel, only me know his sadness, his helpness.
Dusk coming, we sat on the hillside, waiting for the sunset
《三》
“wait up, time to go to office”Mum said.
I woke up from my sleep.
It’s dream again, saw myself in the mirror, the sweet smile still on my face.
If such one day really comes, thinking, lost myself again.
Very busy today, I’m tired, even don’t want to have a cup of water.
After work, I sit in the front of the computer instead of going to Beauty Studio.
He is offline, feel lost, I don’t know why, never had this feelings before, nothing to think, nothing to do, nothing to seeing, just wait him here.
Tonight, a friend invite me to have a dinner together at LaKu restaurant.
His foreign wide got the wine from Russian, oh a little dizzy now.
That restaurant has a very nice environment, but still lost, because my Man is not here.
Dizzy feeling is nice….
Sometimes, the dinner is not only for eating, only want someone to company.
“help….help” I suddenly wake up from my nightmare
I still remember clearly now, like happed just now…
At my ten years old, my mom was running a hotel.
One day night, I slept in my mon’s DutyRoom, a women around 30years old with a little girl wanted to check in, asked me to bring her to have a look onto the room. After checked in, I went back the DutyRoom. The next morning, I knocked her door, but seemed no one stayed there, I asked my Mom, was told no one checked in yesterday night, she played one whole night Mahjong.
From that night on, I had a some bad sense in my heart, that’s not a dream.
They came several nights. After I waked up, Mom said a got three days high fever . And invited the Taoist to catch the ghost, because one woman with her daughter always got me.
It has been ten years past, that dream always catch me, I’m afraid of night, afraid of sleeping alone, so every night the desk lamp must be open
Watching the lonely room, with a table lamp company
What’s that feelings, only myself know. Noboday know what’s matter with me. The memories of childhood is still clear, even I didnt believe that was true, but it happened. That terrible memories companied with me always for many years. While night is coming lightly…….
《四》
Hi Rain, let’s go to Karaok, usually we will go to Happy Time with friends together on weekend.
Rain is a Author, also good at singing.
She lives in BEIJING alone, hard working, but more women than me.
She also my best friends
Walk out my house, a car is coming.
Bing, where are you going?
It’s Ling pass by.
Hi Ling, drive us to Happy Time, if ok for you?
Then Rain knows Ling also.
I like to listen to Rain’s singing.
She sings well, the low voice is husky and women.
I found, Ling stares at Rain.
That night, they talked about the music and very happy.
Seems, I’m the fifth wheel, just drinking alone.
Don’t know when it was stopped.
Ling drive Rain back home.
I saw they are together in the rain.
I’m powerless to stope and get back.
I know, it’s made by myself.
I love him, I also love her, I don’t want to hurt any one of them.
I would rather pain only myself.
Then I choose drinking, choose smoking, choose torturing myself
And sleepless night by night.
I drunked, seating under the tree out of spirits.
No one found me, only the God knows, I cried, lean on the tree
Only the tree beside me, only he knows, no regret now.
Life is bitter, also the love is same as
People always have to learn to give up something.
The hard is to give up some should not give up.
People always decide their way in choosing.
Different choices will make different future ways.
Sometimes a miss is as good as a mile.
Just not sure whether it’s right or not when choosing.
Whether costs more, or worthy.
